October 1 2009
My Father was a God fearing man.
At least I think he was. Once a year, on Christmas, my Mother would drag him to church. He seemed to take some pride in his once a year face time in God’s house. But then the next Sunday would roll around and he would once again be settled into his recliner in front of the TV as Mom would load us up for mass.
He worked the night shift during the week and every night he would come into our room to tuck us in before he would leave for work. He would insist we kneel at the bed and pray. As I got older I began to notice the discrepancy. Why were we bound to religion when he skipped church every week?
At first I would close my eyes and do what I was told. I would pray from Mom and Dad. Pray for my dog and my Grandma, sometimes I would even pray for my Brothers. But in time my mind began to wander. At some point in everyone’s life you reach the point where you begin to question your existence and how you fit into every single action around you. It was during this time that I started peeking during our nightly prayers.
I wouldn’t look for anything in particular, but you could say I was definitely looking for something. I would see my brother’s eyes closed tightly, their mouths quietly moving along with their prayers. I would see my dad, slumped over on my bed taking in the silence of the moment, mentally preparing himself for his nightly work.
It was only after I started letting my eyes scan the room during prayer that I really started to see ‘God in the details’ as it were. Things always look vastly different when you know you aren’t supposed to be seeing it, and for me that made all the difference. As I knelt by the bed, atoning for my sins and asking for forgiveness, it wasn’t a feeling of relaxation but rather a rush of excitement. I don’t think the power of God has ever put on a greater display to me since. Maybe that is how my Father felt as we left the house every Sunday? Surely a God that would allow us the power to disregard him so couldn’t be all bad after all..
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